“Sooo… Want to go on a double date with my parents?” That’s how my journey with The Five Love Languages began. Seriously. But let me explain. I was a college senior, and quite enamored with a certain boy. I picked up the phone, pulse racing, palms sweating, and somehow mustered up the courage to ask him if he’d come with my parents and I to see a show downtown Chicago.
I was feeling bold. Of course, I was taking a risk… What guy would say yes to a night out with his not-yet-girlfriend and her mother and father? We’re talking about a one hour drive each way, then sitting next to each other for a two hour show. So, curled up in my computer chair, cell phone to my ear, I asked and held my breath in anticipation of Justin’s answer.
He said yes.
You’re probably wondering what this has to do with The Five Love Languages (Dr. Gary Chapman, Northfield Publishing). On the car ride home from our night out, Justin mentioned, “Hey, have you heard of The Five Love Languages?” He proceeded to explain the concept–how everyone has a love language, and speaking the right one to a person is the key to making them feel loved. Interesting. I made a mental note to drop by a bookstore ASAP and buy myself a copy. As far as I was concerned (my parents as well), he was earning brownie points. But I had to get to the bottom of it myself.
I began reading. Of course, I didn’t want to seem too eager, so I didn’t mention it to Justin (I wasn’t interested in scaring him off). But as I read, it made so much sense. I could see it applying to dating relationships, marriages, relationships with siblings, and even friends. Here’s a rundown of the five love languages:
Words of affirmation–Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the reasons why someone loves you sends your spirits skyward.
Quality Time–In the language of quality time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Really being there, with the TV off and all chores on standby, makes your significant other feel truly special and loved.
Receiving Gifts–Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.
Acts of Service–Can vacuuming floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an acts of service person speaks volumes.
Physical Touch– Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face can all be ways to show excitement, care and love to a person whose primary love language is physical touch.
Which of these love languages looks like yours? How about your spouse? You may find you’ve been killing yourself washing dishes, cooking elaborate meals, and doing laundry, when all he really wants is for you stop and tell him the specific reasons why you love him so much.
The Five Love Languages first released in 1992. It has sold more than five million copies and rocketed to the top spot of the New York Times bestseller list. Ask your friends, visit the website (www.fivelovelanguages.com), or check Dr. Chapman’s facebook page, and you’ll hear testimonies from people all over the world who’ve experienced positive change in their relationships.
If more people read this book, there would be more marriages saved! –Lynette S.
The Five Love Languages is a must-read and a permanent fixture in my home library! -Dawn H.
The book is a tremendous asset for couples; I just wish I had read it earlier. It could have saved my marriage. -Rodney E.
As for me? I’d say things worked out. Justin and I recently celebrated our one year wedding. And while I can’t say we apply the love languages perfectly (or even well), we do try! Understanding the concept has given us common ground to lay the foundation of our marriage. I’m acts of service; he’s words of affirmation. And to think, it all started on a double date with my parents.
PS. Do you know what your love language(s) are? If not, you can take a short assessment to find out on his brand new website.
Check back this week for my review of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
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